


Promise Not to Fall

by Thomasnewtminho29



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Colleges, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, M/M, Post Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 05:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16257731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thomasnewtminho29/pseuds/Thomasnewtminho29
Summary: When Zach gets an offer from his dream school he should be ecstatic. However, doubts start to creep in as he starts to think about his responsibilities and the people he'll be leaving behind.





	Promise Not to Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [just_chiara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_chiara/gifts), [Bitterblue33](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bitterblue33/gifts).



> I first got the idea for this fic over a month ago and I've been struggling with it ever since.
> 
> I've FINALLY finished it and I couldn't have done it without the lovely Chiara (just_chiara) and Natalie (Bitterblue33) who both helped me figure out what college Zach could go to and encouraged me during my writing.
> 
> Hopefully this is worth it all!

Zach read the words on the screen over and over again letting them sink in.

 

_“Delighted to offer you a place at UCLA”_

_“Majoring in Marine Biology”_

_“Basketball scholarship…”_

Zach let a grin spread over his face. UCLA wanted _him_. His dream school. He could finally get out of this town.

 

He read the email once more before standing up and heading downstairs to the kitchen. His mom was sitting at the table flicking through some papers while May sat opposite her doing her homework.

 

Zach cleared his throat. “Mom, May. I… Um… I have some news.”  

 

They both looked up at him. His mom instantly looked suspicious like he was about to announce that there was another trial, or he’d dropped out of school. He hated how it always seemed like she was ready to be disappointed by him nowadays. He wished she knew how much he was trying to be a good son.

 

“What’s this about Zachary?”

 

“I got accepted by UCLA.”

 

May squealed with happiness and jumped up from her seat, flinging her arms around him. “That’s amazing Zach!”

 

Zach laughed and hugged her back. He watched over her shoulder as their mom stood up. She smiled and Zach relaxed.

 

“Well done Zachary. UCLA is a good school. You’ll do well there.”

 

“They’re giving me a basketball scholarship too” he told her.

 

His mom nodded. “Good. I’m glad all that nonsense last year didn’t stop you from focusing on your sports.”

 

Zach chose to ignore that comment. He’d discovered a long time ago that arguing with his mother was pointless.

 

May let go of him and stepped back, her eyes shining. “Can we go out for dinner to celebrate?” she asked.

 

“Yes” their mom agreed. “She was still smiling and Zach thought it was the happiest he’d seen her in a long time. He liked seeing her like this. “This is certainly a reason to celebrate.”

 

May ran upstairs to get changed and Zach glanced at his phone wondering if he should text Alex to tell him the news. He remembered that Alex’s grandparents were visiting and he’d told Zach about how strict his parents were about him using his phone when his family was visiting. He could wait until the morning. He wanted to see Alex’s face when he told him.

 

They went to a new Italian restaurant by the docks. They talked about basketball and what classes Zach was going to take. Zach firmly avoided any topics involving his friends not wanting to risk ruining his mom’s good mood.

 

While they were waiting for dessert May was messing around on her phone. “Did you know UCLA is 332 miles away?” she asked.

 

Zach felt his stomach twist slightly. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thoroughly researched schools before applying. UCLA had been his top choice because it was still in California but far enough away that he could get a new start. Suddenly 332 miles seemed a long distance. He took a deep breath to try and clear his head and changed the subject. “Cool. So May, how’s school?”

 

His sister grinned and started talking about her friends and classes as their ice cream arrived. Zach forced a smile and pushed the ice cream around the bowl, his appetite now gone. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. The buzz he’d felt when he’d first read the email had faded and now there was a heaviness in his stomach. He tried to shake it off and focused on his family. Everything was fine.

 

\------------------------------------------------------  

 

Zach was woken at 2am by his phone buzzing. He groaned as he rolled over and fumbled for his phone wondering who the hell was calling him at this time of night. He squinted at the screen, his eyes widening as he saw Alex’s name. He answered the phone, his heart pounding.

 

“Alex?”

 

“Hey” Alex said, his voice shaking slightly. “I’m sorry for waking you up.”

 

“No, don’t apologise” Zach said. “Are you ok?”

 

He heard Alex sigh. “God, this is so pathetic. I had a nightmare.”

 

It was an unspoken rule that Alex rang Zach whenever he’d had a nightmare, or if he was feeling angry or upset. That way it stopped Alec from bottling up his feelings until they spilled over, and it stopped Zach from worrying about Alex. That was the theory anyway. Zach doubted he’d ever be able to stop worrying about Alex.

 

Now Zach tried to figure out his friend’s tone of voice to see if he needed to worry. “You’re not pathetic. Do you want me to come over?” he asked, already swinging his legs out of bed and reaching for his keys.

 

“No” Alex replied. “It’s ok.” There was a pause and Alex cleared his throat. “I guess I just wanted to hear your voice” he said, sounding nervous.

 

Zach felt his face grow hot. He didn’t really know how to reply to that. “Do you want to talk about it? The nightmare I mean?”

 

“It was just the usual I guess. It was like a mix of Hannah and Bryce and Monty and the gun. I just felt like crap when I woke up.”

 

There was a lump in Zach’s throat. He hated how he couldn’t help Alex. He wished he could find a way to stop the nightmares. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come over? I can leave before your mom wakes you up.”

 

“No, seriously Zach, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. It’s only like 5 hours until you’re picking me up anyway. Get some sleep.”

 

“Ok” Zach said reluctantly.

 

“Hey, Zach? Thanks for always being there for me. I don’t tell you enough, but I’m really grateful.”

 

Zach suddenly felt sick. “Anytime dude. You’re my best friend.”

 

“Night, Zach” Alex said. He already sounded a bit less shaken up.

 

“Night, Alex.” Alex hung up and Zach lay staring at the ceiling. When he went to UCLA he wouldn’t be able to just jump in his car and make the 10 minute journey to Alex’s in the middle of the night if he needed him. What if something happened and Zach wasn’t there? He’d already failed Alex once by not picking up the phone quickly enough. He’d made a promise to himself to take care of Alex. How could he do that if he wasn’t here? He rolled over, any lingering excitement he felt over his acceptance quickly evaporating.

 

He didn’t get much sleep after that.

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

Zach set off early to pick Alex up for school. He stopped off at Monet’s on the way and ordered two coffees to take away. He chose the most sugary, creamy latte available for Alex. He had a feeling his friend might need it.

 

When he pulled up at Alex’s house, his friend was already waiting on the porch. As Alex started walking towards him Zach noticed that he was leaning on his cane a lot more than usual, an indicator of how tired he was. He got out of the car, quickly walking round to the passenger side to open the door for Alex. His friend slid in and let out a sigh as he leant back against the headrest.

 

Zach handed him his latte. “Here, this might wake you up.”

 

Alex took a sip and groaned. “Oh my god Zach, I love you. You’re my hero.”

 

Normally Alex saying something like this would turn Zach’s insides to a gooey mush but this morning he was too worried. He started the car, keeping an eye on Alex as he pulled out of the drive.”

 

“Zach” Alex said, a hint of annoyance in his tone. “You don’t need to keep looking at me like that. I’m fine.”

 

Zach narrowed his eyes. “It’s been a while since you last had a nightmare.”

 

“I know” Alex said, his voice softer now. “But it happens.”

 

Zach glanced at him again. “You look exhausted. I’m just worried about you.”

 

Alex snorted. “You don’t look too great yourself!” He reached out and patted Zach’s arm gently. “I promise I’ll tell you if there’s something you need to worry about.”

 

Alex’s smile made Zach relax a little. “Ok then.”

 

Zach parked as close as possible to the main entrance of the school so that Alex would have a shorter distance to walk. Alex’s leg and arm were getting stronger every day and he didn’t really need support while walking anymore. Today however, Alex slipped his arm through Zach’s, leaning on him as they walked up the steps. Zach didn’t know if it was more for Alex’s benefit or his.

 

“Justin looks abnormally happy today.” Alex commented as they walked through the doors. Zach followed his gaze to where Justin was standing by Clay’s locker, his arm wrapped around his adopted brother’s shoulders, looking like he was about to burst with happiness. Clay was talking to Jess looking equally delighted.

 

“Everything ok guys?” Zach asked as they reached their friends.

 

Justin looked at Clay. “Can I tell them?”

 

Clay rolled his eyes but he was still smiling. “Go ahead.”

 

Justin looked at Zach and Alex, his smile growing impossibly wider. “Clay got accepted by NYU!”

 

“Congrats man!” Zach said. He and Clay had gradually become closer over the last year and he was genuinely happy for his friend.

 

“NYU? That’s amazing Clay!” Alex added.

 

“Thanks guys” Clay said. He looked down at the floor, suddenly sombre. “Mrs Baker told me it was always Hannah’s dream to go to New York. I let Hannah go, but she’s still a big part of my life and I wanted to honour her. I’m going to be a lawyer like my mom.”

 

They were all quiet for a moment as they remembered Hannah. There was a lump in Zach’s throat and Alex squeezed his arm.

 

“That’s really great, Clay” Jess said softly. “Hannah would be proud of you.”

 

“She would” Justin agreed. “I’m really proud of you too, Clay. Hopefully I’ll be joining you in New York next year.”

 

Zach looked at him. He hadn’t heard about this. “Really?”

 

Justin nodded. “I’ve got to do summer school this year so I can graduate. I could’ve done a load of extra work now to graduate with you guys but I don’t want to rush it, you know? I want to get the best grades possible. Coach has said I can help to coach the junior basketball team in the fall and Matt’s going to try and help me to get an internship somewhere.” He shrugged. “Then I thought I might join Clay in New York. Keep him company.”

 

Zach was impressed. “Wow Justin. That’s actually really mature.”

 

Justin punched him lightly in the arm. “Don’t sound so surprised Dempsey.”

 

“Well I’ll be here too” Alex said. “I want to go to college but I’m not ready yet. I’m going to take a year out and see what happens.”

 

“You all know my plans” Jess added. She’d got her offer from UC Davis a week earlier. She was going to major in political science which Zach thought was a perfect fit for her.

 

He looked at his friends. They all seemed so comfortable and confident about their futures. He thought he had been too but now he just he just felt confused and guilty.

 

“Oh yeah, Zach” Clay said, startling Zach out of his thoughts. “Have you heard from UCLA yet?”

 

Zach felt uncomfortable. When he’d got his acceptance the night before, he couldn’t wait to tell his friends but now it was the last thing he wanted to do.

 

“No” he lied. “Not yet.”

 

Alex smiled up at Zach in a way which made his heart ache. “You’ll get in” he said. “Who _wouldn’t_ want you?”

 

Zach forced a smile. “Yeah. It will all be fine.”

 

\---------------------------------------------

 

That evening Zach was sitting on the couch flicking through the tv channels when he heard his sister’s footsteps. A few seconds later May poked her head round the door. `’Hey Zachy, are you busy?”

 

Zach turned off the tv. “Not at all” he said, patting the space beside him.

 

May crossed the room and flopped down beside him, resting her head against his shoulder. Zach stroked her hair. “Are you ok, May-bug?” he asked gently.

 

“Yeah” his sister sighed. “I’m just frustrated with some of my friends. They constantly complain about how their dads won’t give them extra money to go shopping, or they won’t let them go to a party. Sometimes I just want to shout at them for taking their dads for granted.”

 

Zach felt an ache in his chest which was how he always felt when he thought about his dad. “I’m sorry, May” he said. “I know it really sucks.”

 

“I miss Dad” May said quietly.

 

Zach kissed the top of her head. “I miss him too.”

 

May looked up at him. “I’m glad I can talk about him with you… I know Mom doesn’t like to and I don’t want to upset her.”

 

Zach felt annoyed with his mother. He knew he was being unfair, that it wasn’t really her fault, but it upset him that she couldn’t even try to talk to May. What would happen when he went to college? Would his mom notice if May was upset?

 

“You can always talk to me” he told May. “I promise I’ll always be there for you.”

 

May wrapped her arms around him. “You’re the best big brother ever.”

 

Zach held her tightly. He was feeling like a pretty crappy brother right now. Maybe he needed to focus on his family now.

 

\---------------------------------------------

 

The rest of week was spent constantly talking about colleges and the future with his friends. Zach could barely focus on his classes, his stomach was tied in knots and he couldn’t think of anything other than UCLA.

 

He was relieved when the weekend came around and he could escape the college fever for a couple of days. He woke up late on Saturday morning and wandered down to the kitchen. His mom. Was sitting at the table, frowning at the documents in front of her.

 

She looked up as he walked in. “Zach. Good, I need your help with this.” Zach walked over and peered over his mother’s shoulder. “They’ve sent a form for May’s ballet lessons and I don’t understand what I need to do.”

 

Zach took the form from her and started filling it in. “She’s intermediate level and she likes taking the Tuesday class because she’s less busy that day” he told her. “You can set up a direct debit so you don’t have to worry about remembering to pay monthly. She needs new ballet shoes as well. She said her old ones are getting too tight.”

 

He finished the form and put it in the envelope. His mom looked at him gratefully. “Thank you, Zach. Your sister takes so many extra curriculars… it just confuses me sometimes. Your father used to take care of all of that.” She sighed. “It’s good that I have you to help me out.”

 

Zach bit his lip, the guilt he’d already been feeling rapidly growing. He hadn’t realised just how much his mom needed him. He didn’t want everything to fall apart if he wasn’t here every day. He didn’t want his mom to struggle. Maybe he could do the same as Alex? He could take a year out and then reapply to colleges that were even closer to home. UCLA was his dream school but his family and Alex were even more important. He knew he had a decision to make.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

On Monday, Zach invited Justin over after school for an evening of video games and junk food. It had been a while since it had been just the two of them and Zach was really looking forward to it.

 

“Do you want a drink?” Zach asked as they headed towards the kitchen.

 

“Sure” Justin said. He peered down the hallway. “Is your mom home?”

 

“She should be” Zach replied. Justin looked nervous and Zach laughed. “Dude, she’s not going to murder you.”

 

“I think she hates me” Justin mumbled.

 

“She doesn’t” Zach said, trying hard to reassure his friend. He wasn’t confident though. He didn’t think his mom approved of _any_ of his friends.

 

His mom had obviously arrived home only a few minutes before them and was unpacking her bag at the kitchen counter. “Hey Mom” Zach greeted her as he strolled past to the fridge and grabbed a couple of cans of Pepsi.

 

Justin hovered in the doorway. “Hey Mrs Dempsey” he said quietly.

 

His mom looked up briefly. “Hello Justin. It’s been a while since you last came over.”

 

“I’ve been focusing on school” Justin explained.

 

Zach watched as his mom nodded. “That’s good to hear.”

 

“I’m going to help to coach the junior basketball team in the fall” Justin added.

 

Zach noticed that his mom was looking a bit more interested at that bit of information. “Well” she said. “That’s excellent. I hope you’re planning on going to college too. Maybe you could get a basketball scholarship like Zach? We were so pleased when he got his acceptance to UCLA.”

 

Zach’s heart was pounding. He turned around and pretended to look for snacks in the cupboard so he didn’t have to look at Justin.

 

“Yeah” he heard Justin say smoothly. “Zach really impressed those scouts. It’s no surprise he got a scholarship.”

 

Zach grabbed a bag of Doritos and threw them to Justin. “We’re going upstairs, Mom. See you later” he said quickly. Without waiting for a reply, he picked up the drinks and walked up the stairs knowing that Justin would be close behind him. He was so stupid. He should have known that his mom would say something to Justin.

 

As soon as they were in Zach’s room and the door was closed, Justin turned to face him with his arms folded. “What the fuck, Dempsey.”

 

Zach sat down on his bed and ran his hand through his hair. “Surprise” he muttered weakly.

 

“I’m guessing you’ve known for a while” Justin said.

 

Zach nodded. “Since last Monday.”

 

Justin frowned. “So when Clay asked you…”

 

“I lied” Zach finished for him. “I’m sorry… It’s just, I’m not going to go.”

 

Justin came and sat next to him. “Look, Zach. I know I’ve been a shitty friend in the past but I’ve been trying to do better. You can tell me anything and I promise I won’t judge you, so talk because I know that you don’t like to let people know how you’re feeling but this isn’t like you.”

 

Zach hesitated for a moment. This was his responsibility and his problem , and he didn’t want to burden anyone else. But Justin was _right there_  and he was being so patient and supportive. He took a deep breath.

 

“I’m so confused. I’ve been wanting to get out of this town for ages so I can get a fresh start. I was really excited when I first got the email but then I started thinking about everything and everyone I’d be leaving behind.” He glanced at Justin who gave him an encouraging nod. “Since my dad died, I’ve had to step up and be the man of the house. My mom needs help with May’s school stuff and with sorting out the bills- all the stuff my Dad used to do.” His chest was growing tight with emotion but he carried on, the words now pouring out of him. “Then there’s May. She’s starting at Liberty this year and I know she’s nervous about it. What if there’s a guy like Bryce in her year? What if she goes through what Hannah went through and no one notices? If something happens and I’m not here, I know she won’t call me because she won’t want me to worry and that terrifies me. I know it’s not a massive distance but it feels that way, you know? And I don’t want to leave Alex either. I promised that I’d be a better friend and I’d be there for him. God, Justin, I’m so fucking tired of thinking about it. I don’t know what to do.”

 

The rush of adrenaline he’d felt when he’d been speaking left him and his eyes burned with tears. A sob escaped him and suddenly he was crying for the first time in months. He was grateful that Justin didn’t say anything. He just wrapped his arm around Zach’s shoulders and let him cry. It took Zach a few minutes to pull himself together. It felt good to have finally told someone how he was feeling, and although he was embarrassed about crying in front of Justin, he felt a little better too.

 

“Zach” Justin said after a while. “You need to give yourself a fucking break.”

 

Zach sniffed, wiping his eyes. “Yeah, right.”

 

“I’m serious” Justin said. “You don’t have to do this alone, you’re not responsible for everything.” He was quiet for a few seconds before continuing. “I can look out for May for you. Take her to the cinema or to get ice cream. I’ll let her know she can talk to me if she wants. I’ve known you guys for years so hopefully she can feel comfortable around me.”

 

Zach stared at him. “You’d do that for me?”

 

Justin squeezed his shoulder. “Of course. You’re my best friend. I’ll always have your back, and I care about May too.”

 

Zach had to blink back fresh tears. “Thanks. It would be really great to know that someone else is looking out for May too.”

 

“You should talk to your mom too” Justin suggested. “I know what it’s like to feel like you can’t talk to your mom but she really loves you, Zach. You might as well try to tell her how you’re feeling. I think she wants you to be happy. You deserve that.”

 

“I’m not sure I do” Zach said.

 

Justin snorted. “Dude, if I’m allowed to be happy after the shitty things I’ve done, then you’re definitely allowed to be.” He elbowed Zach gently in the ribs. “Come on, are you really going to deprive the Bruins of their new superstar basketball player?”

 

Zach smiled slightly. “I’m not that good, Justin.”

 

“Those scouts thought you were” Justin reminded him, “and I _know_ you are. Look, just promise me you’ll speak to your mom? And you should talk to Alex too. He really cares about you, I think he’ll want to know what’s going on.”

 

Zach knew he had to talk to Alex but it still made him nervous. “What do I even say to Alex?”

 

Justin shrugged. “I don’t know, just tell him the truth. Tell him what you told me. It will be fine.”

 

“Ok” Zach agreed. “I promise I’ll talk to my mom and Alex tomorrow.”

 

Justin patted him on the back and stood up. “Do you feel up to playing some video games?

 

Zach nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

 

Justin grinned. “Good, ‘cos I’m going to obliterate you.”

 

“Big words, Jensen” Zach teased.

 

“Fuck you, Dempsey!”

 

Zach didn’t know what he’d done to deserve Justin’s friendship and loyalty but he wasn’t going to let it go.

 

\-----------------------------------------

 

Zach didn’t get to speak to Alex until  the end of lunch the next day. He found the other boy by his locker and gently grabbed his wrist, pulling him into an empty classroom.

 

Alex raised an eyebrow as Zach closed the door behind them.  “What’s going on?”

 

Zach took a deep breath. “I got into UCLA.”

 

Alex’s face lit up and he wrapped his arms around Zach, squeezing him tightly. “I knew you would! When did you find out?”

 

“A week ago.”

 

Alex stepped back, his forehead creasing in confusion. “Ok… Is there a reason you didn’t tell me earlier?”

 

Zach bit his lip. “I don’t know if I’m going to accept.”

 

Alex laughed. “You’re not serious, right? You’ve been talking about UCLA for months. You loved it when you visited. What reason do you have _not_ to go?”

 

“You need me” Zach blurted out. Alex stared at him silently, his eyes darkening and Zach winced. That was definitely not what he had planned to say. “Shit, no. I mean-”

 

“You mean you don’t think I can survive more than a few hours without the great Zach Dempsey” Alex said sarcastically.

 

Zach shook his head. “That’s _not_ what I meant.”

 

“Well what did you mean, Zach?” Alex asked, his voice rising. “You’re planning to give up on your dream school because you think I need someone to sit and look after me all day, every day? You think I’d feel grateful that my best friend had given up his future to take care of me?”

 

“Alex, I-”

 

Alex’s face was red with anger and his bottom lip was quivering. “You’re the only person who’s never acted like I’m made of glass or broken. You’ve always made me feel like I can do anything. I thought you were different but I guess I was wrong. You think I’m useless too.” Tears rolled down his cheeks and he angrily wiped them away.  Zach stared helplessly at him, unable to speak. “Don’t stay here for me” Alex said. He shoved past Zach and left the room.

 

Zach sank into a seat and put his head in his hands. Once again he’d fucked everything up. He’d said the wrong thing and he’d hurt Alex. Why could he never just say how he felt? The truth was, he was the one who needed Alex, not the other way round. Alex made him feel safe, and happy, and supported. The idea that moving away could cause his whole friendship with Alex to change panicked him. For the past week he’d been telling himself that he needed to stay to help Alex but now he knew he didn’t need to. Alex was much stronger than him.

 

The bell rang and Zach got up slowly, a heaviness settling over him. He couldn’t get Alex’s hurt, angry expression out of his mind. He needed to find a way to tell Alex what he really wanted to say but he figured Alex needed some time. He texted Justin as he walked to class.

 

**From: Zach**

Tried to talk to Alex. I fucked up. Can you or Clay give him a ride home?

 

**From: Justin**

Yeah, sure. Are you ok?

 

**From: Zach**

No.

 

He turned off his phone as he reached the classroom so he wouldn’t see Justin’s sympathetic texts. He couldn’t concentrate on what his teacher was saying, choosing to stare out of the window instead, trying to put his thoughts in order.

 

He knew it was time to try to talk to his mom.

 

\----------------------------------------

 

By the time Zach got home from school, his mom was sitting at the table replying to emails on her laptop. Zach approached her cautiously, trying to judge her mood.

 

“Mom? Can I talk to you for a moment?”

 

His mom looked startled for a moment before a look of understanding crossed her face and she nodded. Zach sat across from her, deciding to get straight to the point before he could chicken out. “I need to tell you something… I haven’t accepted my offer from UCLA yet. I just haven’t decided if I’m going yet. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

 

“I know” his mom said simply.

 

Zach stared at her in confusion. “Wait, what do you mean?”

 

“I heard some of your conversation with Justin last night” his mom admitted. “It wasn’t much, but enough to give me an understanding of the situation. I realise I haven’t been the best mother.”

 

Zach shook his head. “No, Mom. That’s _not_ true at all- you’re a great mom.”

 

His mom smiled slightly. “You’re a good boy, Zachary. Kind and generous like your father. I couldn’t have asked for a better son. I’ve put far too much responsibility on you since your father died- a boy your age shouldn’t feel the level of responsibility for his mother and sister that you do.”

 

“I love you” Zach said. “I want to look after you and May.”

 

“But that should be my job” his mom reminded him. “I know I have work to do. I’m not open about my feelings and I haven’t listened to you or your sister in the past and I realise this has affected both of you. I will try and do better though. I’ll try and talk about your father with you and May.”

 

There were tears in Zach’s eyes as he smiled at his mom. “That’s all we want” he said quietly.

 

“I don’t want my failings to affect your future” she told him. “May and I will be fine while you’re away at college, and I will pay for flights for you and May so that you can visit each other easily. Your happiness is all I’ve ever wanted Zach and I know I haven’t gone about it in the right way. I’ve been hard on you, but I’m _so_ proud of you Zach and your father would be proud of you too.”

 

A tear slid down Zach’s cheek and he wiped it away. “Really?” he whispered.

 

“Of course” his mom said. “He always knew you’d do well. He told everyone he met about how talented his son was.” She placed her hand on top of his. “I hope you choose to go to UCLA, I think it will be good for you.”

 

Zach nodded and squeezed his mom’s hand. He could tell she was really trying. He knew these were baby steps and that it would take a while before she could really open up. He knew it would take even longer until she would be comfortable talking about his friends, but it was a start. Zach felt more relaxed now and his mind was clearer.”

 

The doorbell rang, snapping Zach out of his thoughts. “I’ll get it” May called. Zach heard the front door open, and then May’s voice again. “Zach! It’s for you!”

 

Zach stood up and kissed his mom’s cheek. ‘Thanks, Mom.”

 

“You’re my son” she said. “You don’t have to thank me.”

 

Zach smiled and left the room, wondering if Justin had come round to check up on him. He reached the front door and froze. Alex was standing in front of him.

 

“Hey” Zach said uncertainly.

 

Alex stepped forward and threw his arms around Zach’s neck. Zach hugged him back, hiding his face against Alex’s shoulder, relief washing over him. “I’m really sorry” Alex murmured.

 

Zach held him tighter. “No, _I’m_ sorry.”

 

Alex stepped back. “Can we go to your room? I think we need to talk.”

 

Zach nodded. They went up to his room and sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes until Zach had built up the courage to speak. “Alex, about earlier- I really got it wrong. I know you don’t need me and I definitely don’t think you’re broken or useless. You’re actually the strongest person I know. I just felt really guilty. I wasn’t there for you, and I didn’t see the signs that you were struggling and I can’t let you down again.”

 

Alex reached for Zach’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “You didn’t let me down, and you never will. But I’m ok, Zach. I’m not perfect, but I’m in a much better place than I was.” He squeezed Zach’s hand. “I am sorry that I didn’t see how stressed you were this week. Justin told me everything.”

 

“I should have told you earlier” Zach said. “I just wanted to try and sort it out on my own.”

 

“You know, what we have, it goes both ways” Alex said. “If I tell you all my problems, you have to tell me stuff too. That’s the way it works.”

 

Zach thought that maybe he was more like his mom than he thought. He had trouble expressing his feelings and asking for help. “I’ll try” he promised. “I guess I’m just scared that everything’s going to change.”

 

“It is” Alex said, “but that’s not a bad thing. I’m still going be here. I’m not going anywhere and neither are your mom and May.” He shuffled closer. “You don’t have to go to college right now if you don’t want to.”

 

Zach rubbed his thumb over the back of Alex’s hand, thinking it all over. He realised he had finally come to a decision, thanks to his friends and family. “I want to” he said. “You’re right. I loved UCLA, and the basketball coach was so enthusiastic and supportive. I _am_ excited, I think I just needed to know I could leave and everyone would still be ok, and I know that now.”

 

Alex smiled. “I really proud of you. You’re pretty amazing Zach Dempsey.”

 

Zach looked at Alex, warmth spreading through his chest. He leant forward and kissed him.

 

Alex kissed him back.

 

It was slow and tentative but still left Zach feeling flushed and breathless when he pulled away. “Our timing’s pretty shitty” he murmured.

 

Alex shook his head. “We’ve got ages until you go, and then there’s skype and I can visit you and you’ll be home for thanksgiving and Christmas. You’re the only person I want, we’ll make this work if you want.”

 

“You’re the only person I want too” Zach told him. “I do want this.”

 

“So” Alex said. “I can tell everyone that my incredibly intelligent, athletic boyfriend is going to UCLA?”

 

Zach laughed, feeling happier than he had in ages. _He was going to college!_ “Yeah, you can.” He rested his forehead against Alex’s. “Everything’s really going to be ok, right? We’ll be ok?”

 

Alex kissed him again, and that was the only answer he needed.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m a little worried that Zach’s mom might be a bit ooc but I wanted her to realise that she needed to support Zach and make his life a little easier! 
> 
> Please let me know if you enjoyed it! Comments are always appreciated :)


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